This year, I’ve decided that I need to stop partially writing posts and letting them build up in my drafts folder. So… here’s one that I started in November 2017 and finished this month. Take a look at the image below… does this sum up how you feel sometimes, even when you’ve got the biggest smile and are the life of the party?
Pretending everything was ok, was something I mastered in the early stages of my journey… When I got home or sometimes in the toilet at work, I would just cry. I would cry because I was hurting so much and I was tired of pretending that I was ok. The funny thing is, is that even now that I’m on the other side, I’ve still found myself pretending but, it’s with things that I shouldn’t allow so much power over me… I hope this post encourages someone.
You know that feeling… the one you can’t quite explain? The one that, kinda puts you in a bad mood yet, you can’t articulate the root cause? You’re aware of things that may have upset you, things that have got on your nerves but, this low feeling seems like much more…. Have you ever woke up and felt on top of the world and all it takes is one thing to set you off..? It could be something as small as burning your toast or wanting to shave your legs and realising that you don’t have any razors…
So last week was a very blah week for me. I couldn’t quite shake the feeling of not wanting to do anything even though I had loads to do! I had the finishing touches of Samuel’s birthday party to put together, I have seven unfinished blog posts sitting in the drafts folder, Hamper orders to fulfil and a messy house! It was all just. A. Bit. Too. Much. Well, at least I thought it was. And then, to top it off, it’s nearing the end of the year and I go into reflection mode. For some strange reason, even though I have sooo much to be grateful for- especially as this was my first year as a mother, I was still allowing certain situations affect me. Situations that I should have put to bed a long time ago. Actually, I won’t say put to bed because that means it can be woken up… The situations need to be shut down!
Samuel turns one on Thursday and let me just get this over with… I’M BROODY! Yes, broody. I look at my baby and wonder where the past 12 months have gone. I finally understand what people mean when they say they can’t remember what their children were like as babies. I think I spent maybe the first 2 months worrying about Samuel because he was premature and had a serious case of reflux. Here I am struggling to fully remember him as a newborn (covers face)
So, I’m going into 2018 as a working mum- a Mum who is broody and a Mum who is thinking about unexplained infertility… I’ve mentioned it in previous posts that hubby and I want baby number two and it’s really hit me about whether IVF is going to have to be our option again. I wonder whether my body has grasped the fact that I’ve been pregnant twice and a baby is not a foreign body trying to attack me. To be honest, I’m a little worried about the journey ahead after the five year wait we had to get to where we are today…
So, I finally did snap out of my low period and started to have a positive outlook… I’ve been encouraged by my fellow ttc (trying to conceive) community of sisters and remain hopeful that all things are possible. Will that hope last every day? Probably not but, as I said in my previous post (A little encouragement for 2018), I need to renew my hope daily. All I need is faith as small as a mustard seed and I’ll continue to water it by telling myself daily that it is more than possible. PCOS and unexplained infertility ain’t got nothing on me!
I’ve decided that I will focus on things that are productive, pure and healthy. No more stress! I know it’s easier said than done, especially when reality can sometimes throw things at you which are beyond your control. So, my little piece of encouragement to you is try to do your best to eliminate all things which seem to be sapping your energy. Focus on the things you enjoy the most. Focus on working on eating right and keeping fit. Focus on making sure your body and mind are prepared for when your baby arrives. Start living and thinking like the mother and father you are and, get rid of negative energy! Even if it means that you need to give yourself a good talking to – do it!
Go that extra mile to make sure your environment and those around you are positive. Dig deep and draw on your inner strength to get you through each day at a time – you’ll be amazed at how impactful it is when you eradicate the negatives that you actually do have control over. There’s nothing worse than being on this fertility journey and having a life filled with drama and energy sapping situations that give that that different kinda low…
Be Encouraged, Be Expectant