The Morning After

30/09/2018 – The morning after.

I wasn’t too sure how I would feel following surgery. I had read some blogs where people had said they felt lighter and a sense of relief … It was different for me – I was numb (literally) and still felt a little “hung over” from the medication I had, and was still being pumped with.

I was told the surgery would be about 6 hours – it took 8. They were shocked with what they had found and, when they (consultant and plastic surgeon) came to see me the morning after, they asked “Why would you leave a lump that big for so long?” If you’ve watched my YouTube videos or read my blog, you’ll remember that I was told on a number of occasions that there was “No lump” and it was probably “dried breast milk.”

They explained that I would be in this fixed position for about 3 days. I had no feeling on the right side of my chest and arm – zero. The catheter had been installed, I was spoon fed all my meals and I received daily “washes” from Health Care Assistants. With everything I was going through, I felt that I had lost all of my dignity…

I thought about this “thing” that had invaded my breast and tried to take me away from my family. I hated it. I always though cancer was a horrible disease that takes lives but, when you are directly affected by it and know that you will forever be reminded of it – you get to a new level of hate for it.

With the infertility journey, I learned what it truly meant to ‘let go and let God’ and, with this journey, I knew that I had to do the same because I still had 6 months of gruesome chemotherapy, a month of radiation and possibly, a lifetime of physiotherapy ahead of me. I knew I had to remain positive to get through it all.

My allocated nurse was Jackie… She reminded me of Mary Poppins! We spent hours talking about our love for tea, theatre and property. She was very respected in the hospital as she had specific ways to do things and, was very particular about it. When I think about healthcare, she comes to mind along with my chemo nurse Tracey. They both played a key role in my recovery because, each time I was in hospital, I forgot where and why I was there.

It was hard for me to remain brave when my family came to see me. They kept smiles on their faces but I could see the hurt in their eyes… My dad didn’t stay long and Samuel cried as soon as he saw me. As I write this post, I’m a little emotional. I am so grateful to be here to tell my story and, that’s why I started TeaCups.

TeaCups is based on my love for tea and cups – that represents our breast cups. I’ll probably do another post to talk more about it but, if any of you are free on Thursday 1st October 2020, join me on zoom to check our breasts together. FULLY CLOTHED! Click here for more details

Untill next time, see you soon!

Be Encouraged, Be Expectant

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