Three weeks ago, hubby and I began decluttering our home. We figured that we had far too many clothes and shoes with the label “I could definitely wear this again” and needed to get rid of them real quick! I’m sure many of you can identify with this.

I came across a large box and was stunned when I realised what the contents were. I carefully opened one of the white boxes and took a seat at the edge of the bed. The emotions that came flooding back took me by surprise and before I knew it, I was sobbing. I was sobbing because I remembered taking my first ever Gonal-f injection with the hope that it would be my first and only IVF cycle. I was sobbing because I remembered the bruises I got and the tiny marks that still decorate my stomach today… I was sobbing because I was thinking about whether I would need to inject myself again and again for baby number two… I sobbed because I I felt the pain of hundreds of thousands of women who are and still will go through the pain of injecting themselves daily with the faith and hope that it will result in a beautiful child. I sobbed because… infertility sucks!

I said a prayer of gratitude and asked the Lord to bless those in waiting the way He had blessed my hubby and I. I showed hubby what I had found and he was a bit puzzled as to why I still had so much medication left. Truth is, I remember us going to the clinic after our second cycle and asking whether we could donate it to patients who were self-funding. We were told that they would need to be thrown away as there was no way they could tell whether they had been stored correctly or tampered with… I guess it made sense but I just can’t bring myself to throw them away – I just feel so guilty 😦

I then began to look up the prices of the medication that was sitting dormant in our home. One injection of cetrocide costs £31.20*, a box of x15 Crinone gel applicators costs £43.05*, a pack of x84 Progynova tablets costs £36*…. the list goes on. There was over £250 worth of medication just sitting there. I had never before thought about looking into the individual costs of medication and it saddens me because I know that there are thousands who are currently searching the internet for the most cost-effective to fund their treatment. Whilst looking into the cost of the medication, I came across Asda’s not for profit IVF drugs. I mean, why was this the first I was hearing about something that was announced in 2010? (click here)

It’s funny because I asked myself whether we would have gone with ASDA’s drugs had we needed to self-fund. The answer is no, and I shake my head I I type that word because I know that I would want to go with the “best” medication to improve any possibility of success and probably turn my nose up at Asda (covers face). Does it mean that ASDA’s drugs are any different to the ones which your chosen clinic will sell? The answer again is no. Is £0.16 paracetamol any different from £0.47 paracetamol…?  If you are in the position of having to self fund, I recommend taking the time to explore all of your options. I am so very grateful for the NHS as our three rounds and one frozen transfer would have cost us over £20,000 – this is not money that we have just sitting in the bank.

Gosh, the journey has been hard but, as I’ve said before, it’s still ongoing because I’m not so sure about what awaits me down the road. I’m not sure what awaits those who are still waiting, those I’m so eager to cross off my prayer list. In fact, my list keeps getting longer and, the longer it gets, the more passionate I get about both women and men being informed about their bodies and fertility.

So, I’ve been holding onto this post for a while because I just wasn’t sure. Not quite sure what I was so unsure about but, there was something! A friend of mine sent me a picture that she came across on Instagram and it really encouraged me to publish this. The picture was of a batch of needles and a baby beneath it. It represented the persons five year journey to motherhood. I think I’ll create a similar picture of my own too!

Be Encouraged, Be Expectant

*(www.lloydspharmacy, http://www.theonlinesurgery.co.uk, http://www.oxfordonlinepharmacy.co.uk, chemistdirect.co.uk)