We’re Expecting!

expecting

“We’re Expecting!”

Congratulations! Praise God! I’m so happy for you! I can’t wait! I hope I’m going to be God mother!
The all too familiar words and phrases I’ve been accustomed to over the past 5 or so years. At first, it was tough, tough to say the word congratulations without the inner thought of “I wish it were me…” How long until I get to say those words to family and friends? Before the countdown begins and the secret excitement about my soon to be surprise baby shower that I’m secretly hoping will be a yellow theme regardless of the gender- how long?
“We’re expecting…” Great, someone other than me who gets to experience it for the first, second or even third time. Lord, even if it’s just that one time, I just want the experience, the new journey, the excitement! Those words would send me into a deep thinking space, a space that sees me shut down and isolate myself from the world. Secretly hurting but yet finding the ability to put on a brave face on Sunday so people would be none the wiser.
That black hole is so dangerous! If I didn’t have strong supportive people around me, I know that the prescribed medication would not be painkillers but Anti-depressants. Yes, that’s right, depression. Longing for something that you have dreamed of since you were a child is mind consuming. As I said before, it almost turns to starvation. You feel that your life is incomplete because of the missing piece of the puzzle.
feeling-sad
Then there’s the guilt. You can sense that people feel a tinge of guilt when they deliver their good news. You can see the pity in their eyes and sometimes their uncomfortable behaviour. You then feel guilty that they feel guilty which, makes you feel horrible about yourself and want to just scream and shout at God! “Why, Why does it have to be so hard?”
“We’re expecting!” Some weeks ago, a friend of ours told me she was expecting. When she gave me the news, I smiled like I’d found out I was pregnant- I knew then that my worries had gone. This thing is so much bigger than me. Can worry add a single day to my life?- no. Worry stinks! It’s like a dead rat trapped in your loft or between your floor boards. You cannot see it but, that smell! The smell starts off as a whiff and you think it’s your nose but then the next day, it’s slightly stronger- a little more than a whiff.  As the days pass, it becomes a full blown stench. And that’s how I see worry, it starts off small and can eventually consume your mind and make you feel your “reality” is that, there is no hope…
We all have days when we feel overwhelmed, stressed, fed up etc but, with depression, these feelings tend to be with you 24/7. You live the “reality” of hopelessness, worry and feeling trapped with no escape. You try to explain it to others but feel that they just do not understand what you are going through – which kind of makes you feel a little crazy. You see, people can sympathise  with and encourage you but sometimes, it’s those who have actually been through the pain who fully understand – and this is the reason, I’m being so open. I strongly believe 9monthsandwaiting can be a forum for us all to encourage one another as we continue this journey.
I am no expert on depression and can only speak from my experience but it’s important that we are aware of satanic devices to throw us off track. It was the end of 2015 that I finally admitted that I was battling with the spirit of depression for so long. Truth is, I genuinely didn’t know and just thought it was ok to go days without speaking to anyone, crying for no apparent reason and just not wanting to exist… This is a whole topic in itself so I’ll write a post on this another time.
In the African and sometimes Christian communities, no one really talks about the struggles with conception. It’s almost a taboo to tell anyone what’s really happening. In the midst of all of that, you’re also worried about what people are thinking and saying about you, wondering whether they think you’re a failure of a woman and wife, whether something is wrong you, whether your husband should marry someone else- the list is endless. If someone was to ask me to give tips as to how I was able to overcome the above, I would be making it up just for the sake of it. The truth is, I cannot fully explain how I’ve come to the point of confidence and peace that I now have. There were no 7 Keys or 5 steps- I just started praying specific prayers at the same time each day. That was it. God did the rest.
Even though it may look tough on paper and the not so great medical reports, we must have faith for it is the evidence of what has been promised. Hebrews 11:1.The images I see of my children playing in our home is not my imagination, it’s the truth and I believe it.
But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain.
Psalm 3:3-4
When I think of a shield, I think of safety, guide, protection, defence against war, loyalty and trust. I am trusting the Lord to be a shield over my mind so that I can be strong for the journey ahead and so the whispers of negativity and hopelessness will not have any room to settle. We all need to do this and call upon His name because He will surely answer in His appointed time.
“We’re expecting” I sure am expectant of the great things the Lord has in store! Be confident in the word and have the faith to conceive like Sarah did. He will surely let us carry to full term and deliver healthy babies
There will be no miscarriages or infertility in your land, and I will give you long, full lives.
Exodus 23:26
 So, the next time you hear that someone is expecting, rejoice and celebrate like it’s you! You are sowing seeds which will continue to be watered with your prayers, praise and others who are standing in agreement with you through prayer – You are not alone!
Be Encouraged, Be Expectant
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14 thoughts on “We’re Expecting!

  1. This is truly a testimony in the waiting.,, as you are so diligently waiting on the Lord your reward will be great… The devil will be put to shame… truly an inspiring read and word of encouragement xx

    Like

  2. I most certain imagine children in your house and you telling them off for touching the walls! I’m so happy that you are using your story to encourage others, taking what seemed like a negative and making it a positive. It just means the blessing that your children will be is even greater! What a testimony the Lord has placed in you😍
    Shame on satan.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so great… and thank yoh for being so brave and sharing your thoughts. You are truly an inspiration 💛 can’t wait to hear those words from you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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