Back to reality 

I recently received a heartfelt email from a young woman who came across my blog. She wrote briefly of her struggles and pains of living with PCOS  but ended her email saying that my journey had given her hope…

When I started this blog it was to shed light on the struggles of infertility, provide information but most of all, change the perception of infertility and give hope to people like this particular young woman. When I say give hope,  I’m not talking about me personally but my journey- my testimonies. My journey is not over yet even though I have been blessed with my amazing baby boy.  There are all sorts of things going through my mind that I know I need not worry about just yet… Actually, I shouldn’t worry at all because I know that God is more than able to do far beyond what I imagine.

So, as I read through her email, the memories of the PCOS struggle came flooding back. I think I’ve been living in la la land as it never really sank in that I’d soon be getting my regular periods back… Well, at least when it decides to show up. I began thinking about the pre-period pains and then the actual period pains. The mood swings, breakouts, weight gain- I mean the list could go on! I’m so grateful for my bundle of joy and kinda just want to live in the moment forever.

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I remember our first visit from the Health Visitor- so many leaflets and information given. If I’m honest, there were two pieces of information I retained 1.Show baby the book with the black dots 2.You are now at your most fertile stage and therefore should start thinking about family planning… Family planning? Had she not read my notes, did she not know my journey? I told her there was no plan.  She then told me that since I had had a c-section, I cannot get pregnant within the first year as it would be too dangerous…. Um hello! I just told you our journey, why would I want to prevent myself from getting pregnant? We had a long discussion and I quickly found myself hearing that all too familiar statement “you’ve been pregnant before without any fertility treatment so you shouldn’t really worry…”

I realised that there was still so much I didn’t know, so much I had not thought about… Would I have demanded a virginal birth even though they had told me that my baby’s lungs were not fully developed and could stress him out during labour? The answer is no, I wouldn’t have, I would have done anything to ensure that my baby was delivered alive and well. She went on to explain that it is advised to use contraception for the first year as it would give the scar tissue enough time to heal. Jheez, I really wish I knew all of this so it wouldn’t come as such a hard and direct blow to my heart that was full of hope…

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So, when I say ‘Back to reality’, I mean the reality of wondering whether I may possibly end up doing the whole journey again… I mean, we still do have a frozen embryo but honestly, I kinda thought that my fertility issues would go away and my only dilemma would be when to use the embryo. I guess that could still be the case, but for now, I’m trying to get my head around this contraception idea. When you’ve waited so long, the word contraception becomes void in your vocabulary. 

As I return to the drawing board I welcome advice and testimonies. If anyone has any stories to share, please do!

Be Encouraged, Be Expectant

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